it hurts inside.. but i dont know what the reasons are.
i cant explain.
just felt it that way.
i cant control. cant stop it.

i just need my time alone.
to let it cool down..
and not sprout nonsense when i start talking.
nothing will come out nice when the evil twin invade me.
i feel so useless.
overpowered.

i dont know why this can get so bad.
its been years already.
tho dar had improve it a little.
its still like this.

or maybe its improving.
perharps i need more time to tame the evil twin.
maybe its the moon.
that made me feel this way..

i used to just walk away when i dont feel like talking, or rather, when i feel that i cant say anything nice or right.
i just walk away
i dont want to make things worse.
when i start talking.. everything negative would start pouring. swear, curse, sacarstic.
people come and leave my life.
i dont blame them for my weird behaviour.
when i start to walk away.
friends would start saying that i am an attention seeker.
but i have to walk away before my words hurt them.

i remembered one of my fren wrote me a letter.
saying that she cant take my temper anymore.
i cant blame her.
its me.
i cant control it.

i need to be alone.
wandering in the streets.
with unfamilar faces.
strangers.
that would shut my mouth.
and as i wander off the street
i tend to cool down.
i dont know why.

i tried to tame it
by keeping myself occupied.
so i dont have to meet people.
but i just cant avoid it.
i just cant.

when ppl ask me whats wrong.
i dont know how to say or what to say.
i cant find anything to explain why am i like that.

people who know me well..
knows that when i am feeling this way..
i would keep quiet
and not talk until my evil twin had left.

i think i am a freak.
i should start myself really busy.
so that this evil twin would leave me..
and eventually my good self will come back to me.

i think i am a freak.

please forgive me.